I had a talk with L, a friend who just started therapy. She told me how the beginning of therapy felt to her. She felt resistance within. Same as Y (as I recalled), one of my coachees, who felt scared after exploring that there is something hidden within her. And I feel them. That`s also how I felt when first starting my own work with my therapist years ago.
The first stage: You look into the darkness. You shed some light into it and there you see that one small thing, session 1, you work on it, you are happy. You come again and then… You explore the second thing. And you start feeling your heart racing, but you take a deep breath and go with the flow. Okay, you`ve made it. But then again and again and again… And you realize that there is a whole cellar full of what feels like shit, feels like broken, feels like so much darker than what you actually want to be, how you actually like your pretty overground house with all the light and pretty wallpapers. And then the panic starts: I am a mess. I am broken. Is everyone like that? Probably not, it`s me, I am the mess. It feels like there is no hope. You`ll never get through it. Resistance, anger, fear, tears.
It is the ego feeling caught. It is trying to cover up again, to stop the light shedding. To keep the status quo. Because the light is the unkown. It is full of dangers, ones that the ego was protecting you from for decades and the reason for all the hide and seek game in the underground.
But you stay strong. You take a Really. Deep. Breath. And you keep going. You trust the process. And yourself. And your therapist, coach. They got you. They have your back. And then you start seeing the first results. You feel how with every corner of your cellar that you either clean up or just explore and decide to leave as is, just with the light turned on above it (a light bulp that you decided to install permanently), you start getting comfortable with your cellar. You start realizing that it`s actually not that bad there. That every corner has some benefits, eventhough it`s the cellar. You realize it`s cool, and cozy, and has some pretty amazing stuff hidden in there. Stuff that is magic, stuff that if used properly, can be turned into your… Superpowers! Isn`t that cool? Exactly!
And what I promise: The moment you start getting comfortable with your hidden treasures in your cellar, something wonderful will start happening – You start feeling this increadible and indescribable LIGHTNESS. You get more comfortable with yourself, you have more energy and power for literally everything in your life. Because you are not wasting your energy anymore on pushing and keeping your cellar door closed. Instead you keep it open and enjoy the fresh breeze coming from there.
And something else that I am very sure of: You`ll get there. Doesn`t matter how long it will take. But eventually it will happen. Get ready.
